I had my boys here over the past weekend and they're gonna be here this weekend too!!!!  I am jumping out of my skin I'm so excited!!  Can you imagine what it would be like to not have your kids with you 24 hours a day???  I can't...  It's been hell for me this past month.  I have been a stay at home Mom for over FIVE years now.  I am just crumbling inside not having my kids here!!  When they are here I feel so complete and whole and when they are gone I feel empty again.  I can't explain all the legal shit right now so please don't ask.  I have a hearing on the 30th of this month with a mediator.  I know Mike is gonna fight me and I hate that.  I honestly feel like giving up cause I don't want to fight.  I feel that in 10 years my kids will hate me for whatever decision I make anyway.  I wish I had someone to help me or at least give me advice.  All I keep hearing is "don't give up and fight for them".  Ok, but what exactly does that intail?  Should I get down and dirty and pull Mike's cards?  Should I lie?  Should I do things that I swore I wouldn't do?  Should I exagerate the truth?  I feel I'm going to lose my babies because I REFUSE to do those things.  I KNOW he will do anything...cheat, lie, ect. to "win".  I don't want to "win" I just want what's best for my children.  Oh God this is such a hard thing.........I want it to be over but I'm so scared of what the outcome will be. 

*blink blink blink* goes the cursor.....I'm done for now....