PLEASE COME SEE ME AT MYPACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!   I have the .com posted below

Well, I'm moving to myspace so see me here...

http://www.myspace.com/daizy0005   <---my profile


http://blog.myspace.com/daizy0005    <---my blog

Go here:   http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=Daizy

 

btw: I'm moving to myspace along with everyone else in the world...I'll update when I have it set up

peace out

Well, I got a job and work six days a week!! I worked on Thanksgiving too.   Oh well, I feel good about helping out with Christmas coming and all.  I only have access to the internet about once every two weeks until I get a phone so it's hard too keep up and stay in touch with everyone.  For that I'm very sorry.   I hope you all had a great holiday and have fun doing all your shopping and feasting.   I can't stay cause I have laundry too do  I'll be back soon!!! I hope I can get a phone line real soon.  Hugs and kisses to all!!!  HI Leenie, Dina, Wendy, Cizzle, Nikki, and Sissy~!!!! Love you all

I want to start off by saying that I'm so sorry I've been away for sooooo long.  I miss all my fellow "bloggers" so much.   I have been having a rather rough time in life lately.  I split from my husband, lost my kids, moved to a different state, had a mental breakdown, was in the hospital for a week, realized I miss my husband, now am trying to work things out with him.  Actually it didn't all just happen that quick   I was in a psychiatric hospital because I was feeling depressed and anxious and just overwhelmed.  It really helped a lot and my meds were increased to help with the  "crisis" I'm having.  I met three of the greatest girls while I was in there.  They helped save my life!! I'll leave their names out but I do want to thank them from the bottom of my heart. 

I can't chat long cause I'm looking for a job,  another big step for me.  It's hard to be a stay at home Mom for 5 years and give it up but I'm really excited! They boys are in daycare and preschool so they are adjusting well.  I need to have some money for Christmas and all the bills I've gotten behind on. Plus the time I spend with my kids and husband is better.  Today is our wedding anniversary. WOW! Four years   How do people make it to 25 and 50??? LOL

Have a great day, hope all is well!!

I had my boys here over the past weekend and they're gonna be here this weekend too!!!!  I am jumping out of my skin I'm so excited!!  Can you imagine what it would be like to not have your kids with you 24 hours a day???  I can't...  It's been hell for me this past month.  I have been a stay at home Mom for over FIVE years now.  I am just crumbling inside not having my kids here!!  When they are here I feel so complete and whole and when they are gone I feel empty again.  I can't explain all the legal shit right now so please don't ask.  I have a hearing on the 30th of this month with a mediator.  I know Mike is gonna fight me and I hate that.  I honestly feel like giving up cause I don't want to fight.  I feel that in 10 years my kids will hate me for whatever decision I make anyway.  I wish I had someone to help me or at least give me advice.  All I keep hearing is "don't give up and fight for them".  Ok, but what exactly does that intail?  Should I get down and dirty and pull Mike's cards?  Should I lie?  Should I do things that I swore I wouldn't do?  Should I exagerate the truth?  I feel I'm going to lose my babies because I REFUSE to do those things.  I KNOW he will do anything...cheat, lie, ect. to "win".  I don't want to "win" I just want what's best for my children.  Oh God this is such a hard thing.........I want it to be over but I'm so scared of what the outcome will be. 

*blink blink blink* goes the cursor.....I'm done for now....

Things are not so good for me right now.  That's why I've been AWOL.  I miss you guys soooo much! (Dina, Leenie, Wendy, Cizzle) I'll be back when my life takes a better turn. I just don't have the time or the energy to write.  I know it's selfish, I miss reading about you all!  I am dealing with something right now that is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with~ Mike is trying to get custody of my babies.  I refuse to let him do this to me and the boys.  I wish I knew what the hell was going through his head.  He was barely around for the past 4 years now all of the sudden he's trying to bullshit everyone, including himself, into thinking he's Mr. Mom!  If I lose my kids to him I honestly don't know what I'll do.  I can't believe that I might lose them to a known drug abuser who couldn't even keep the heat on in the winter time cause he didn't pay the fucking gas bill.  I hate to think what he's telling the boys.  He has a girlfriend now too.  Between her and his bitch of a Mother I can only imagine what they're telling him.  I will fight with all that I have so that my boys grow up healthy, happy, and most of all WITH ME!!!!  I have a hole in my heart and a ache in my stomache that won't go away.  I need to up my dosage on my pills I think.  I feel so scared and alone.  I have been a stay at home Mom for 5 years, if I can't live with my boys I don't know what I have to live for.  They are my world, my reason to get up in the morning, my reason to do good things, my reason to love, my reason for everything...I am crying all the time cause I'm not there to tuck them in or kiss thier boo-boos.  Aiden is talking so much and he says  "Gramma Sue" so much I want to fucking scream!!! (Mike's mom)  She IS NOT thier Mother!!!! I think she forgets that.  It's not my fault she screwed up all her kids and is trying to make up for it with mine.  She is the puppet master and Mike is the puppet...how fucking sad that he can't make up his own mind.  He never wanted a wife.  He wanted a Mother and a maid.  I would never reduce myself to that.

I want some things out of life! I know I will never get them.  I know my Sissy wants some things out of life too.  I fear she will never get them either.  I am not even close to being perfect...but just remember, neither are you!  I want someone in my life to think a little more about things.  Ok, nevermind, I'll never change you or make you think any different so, forget it.  I have a feeling you think you did nothing wrong.  I know you did the best you can...oh wait...no you didn't.  Stop being so slefish!  At least I ADMIT that I am!  Doesn't make me better just saying...

I miss my boys sooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!!!  I am crying EVERY day!  I am waiting for the day that they can come live with me again!!  I am doing all that I can to get this apt. ready!  I have painted EVERY room except the bathroom. (which I will do soon)  I want to make it a place that they will feel comfortable in.  I also want Mike to be proud of it.  Well, even if he's not proud he should like it. 

I love you boys so much and please know that Mommy misses you terribly and wants you here more than anything in this world!!!  I need to go to bed now so I'm not so sad.

G'nite all

I have this friend named Karin.  Not only is she beautiful on the outside but on the inside as well.  She helps people in ways that never even would've crossed my mind. You know why? Cause I am selfish.  She is a stylist by trade and gave free haircuts one day to raise money for sick children.  Could I have done that? I never even thought of it.  She asked ME to be in her wedding.  I don't know what to say about that.  Damnit! There I go crying again!!! I have never had more fun in my life at a wedding!!  I was just so happy to be there to share her day and be a small part of it.  If you knew her you would want to strive to be like her!! Not a copy but merely caring and unselfish like her.  The sad thing is...she probably wants to be more like someone else...we will NEVER be happy...just brief moments of it.  I love you "Funky Fresh K Sue"!!!

Where are you? I added a guest map today   Feel free to stick a pin in and drop a note

*hugs*